My Day

Every day is a surprise.  This morning I sat on my couch and watched the sun rise.  It was incredible.  I wondered how a totally light sky could contain a section that was so dark.  Terry and I had devotions together as I got frustrated about my new Windows 8 not working they old way and letting us listen to "Pray-as-you-go."  After a nap we walked our property in the snow with our dogs.  Beautiful.  After taking stuff to the dump I took Michael to his art lesson in Butte.  He is truly a wonderful boy. So sincere, loving, passionate, polite, sensitive.  Among other things he said, "Oma, why do some people change their names?"  And after some discussion, "I think it's just disrespectful to their parents who must have really liked that name."  He gave me joy all the way coming and going.
After I dropped him off I was driving in the dark on our two way road when I saw a deer a car ahead of me.  I think the car hit it but it went on.  It was sitting there on the road, trying unsuccessfully to get up.  It tore my heart to see it try and realized it would not be able to.  I pulled over as did others behind me.  I approached the deer timidly at first, wondering if she would fight me.  I spoke tenderly and pulled her by the legs to just off the road.  She just kept looking at me seemingly not afraid at all.  When I got her off the road I began to stroke her head.  She and I just looked into each others' eyes.  I realized I was crying and I could hardly bear to think of her in pain. She was so lovely, pure and sweet.  People started passing us and I was aware that my lights were not flashing.  Getting up, I went to my car but couldn't remember how to work the flashers.  Someone called my name - it was Pam Smith, a friend.  She told me she would put her flashers on and call the police to come and take care of the deer.  We hugged and cried.  I went back to the deer and pet her again.  Then I got into the car and drove away.  I could not stop my sobbing.  After checking things at home I left for pizza church. I couldn't stop crying so I came back home.  Pam called me.  After I left a car came by and startled the deer.  She jumped up on her 3 legs - the other not working and ran down the bank.  When the police came, she just stared from her spot down the embankment.  They decided to let her go.  That would not have been my choice.  I think of her now, somewhere bleeding, hurting and I cry. 
I remember another time when I had come home from college.  Diane was a preschooler and Kerry and Brian had rabbits.  Diane undid the latch and they got out.  The dogs got to them and I sat and watched them struggle to die.  I cried and cried.  Mom came out, sat beside me and said, "Carol Ann, you have to get tough.  Life will be too hard if you don't."  Well, Mom, I guess I didn't listen too well.  I'm not sorry.  I hope I never stop seeing someone hurting and feel for them, even a Mama deer with big lovely eyes.
I went to a ministerial alliance tribute to volunteers and listened to Terry give a talk.  I felt closer to people than I have for awhile.  Tender toward their difficulties. It was a day I will always treasure and remember.

Mustard seeds

The Kingdom of God is like a mustard seed.  It is the smallest of seeds but when it is grown its tree is larger than others and the birds build their nests in it.  Sunday, it seemed to me many mustard seeds were planted.  I thought few would be there.  The night before Steve and Annie called Nancy to see if they could share about Spec.  Their sharing was rich, full of spiritual blessings, we all wanted to have been there.  Marty shared his testimony, written so well and shared from the heart about the spiritual blessing he receives from working in the garden.  Glada Ann shared how thankful she was that Sierra, her granddaughter was able to go to Spec and how grateful she is that Jay is living with them and helping so much with things she and Renata weren't able to do.  A new girl came who is now living in Willow Creek, Nancy took her to lunch after.  During prayer concerns many shared from their heart concerns.  Ginny McCracken came and asked for prayers about her being Rodeo Queen and traveling to different places.  She doesn't come often.  It was such a blessing to have her there. Kathryn and Brenda did things to help us with our memory verse.  Nancy spoke well, but the sermon was not all the service was about.  It was just one seed.  As I looked out at the congregation, I saw the Kingdom.  It was a large tree growing mightily from those seeds that seemed so tiny.  I love our community.  I never know when I'll see the Kingdom.  Today, in pray -as-you-go, the taize singers sang, "The Kingdom of God is justice and peace and joy in the holy spirit.  Open our eyes to see it." 

Today, my devotions tell me, "Do not miss the joy of my presence by carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders."  and to laugh.  And Yancy shares to enjoy the gifts God lavishes on us.  I see the spring clouds, the green grass, the many birds.  An old song from the hymnal comes to me,
Teach me Lord to wonder, teach me Lord to see.
Let your world of beauty capture me.
Praise to you be given, Love for you be lived.
Life be celebrated. Joy you give.

I get the hymnal to read the rest and it is just what I need:
Let me God be open, Let me loving be.
Let your world of people speak to me.
Let me God be ready, let me be awake-
In your present Kingdom my place take.
Teach me God to know you, Hear you when you speak-
See you in my neighbor when we meet.
Praise to you be given, Love for you be lived,
Life be celebrated; Joy you give.   Walter Farquharson 1936

Thanks Walter!  Thanks God!  Surely you are just as attentive to each person on earth.  How do you do it?!
What a mighty God we serve!

Spring

A cool breeze coming through open, screened windows.  Sunshine I feel as I wake up.  Cows lowing in the field.  Sandhill cranes, morning birds, making their noise. Zip's warmth next to my leg. The promise of summer in Montana.  A Sabbath day ahead. Last Sunday Jim talked about all the ways Jesus shows His love for us and then we joined him in sharing the things we notice.  We talked about stars, how plants bloom, laughter, more.  I praise you, God and thank you for this day.

He cares about you.

Years ago, when we lived in Mississippi, I found a scripture in I Peter that blessed me enough that I decapauged it on a napkin holder and put it on my table.  I threw it away awhile back.  This morning it was on Pray-as-you-go.  It reads, "Cast all your anxieties on Him, for He cares about you."  This morning that testimony of Peter has blessed me again.  This weekend we are doing a couples retreat in Billings.  I'm casting that anxiety on Him.  It is still amazing to me that the God of the Universe cares about me.Thank you, dear Jesus.  I hope by my actions today I can love you too.  "We love Him because He first loved us."

My Teacher

I wrote this before Dad died.  I thought I might read it at his funeral but it didn't seem right.  But I want to include it in my blog.

My Dad has been my greatest teacher.  Today I thank God for him.

What did he teach me?

                From Dad I learned that people are not good or bad.  People are just people who do good and bad things because of their own life experiences.  People do bad because of their own insecurities or sometimes their ignorance or self centeredness or any number of reasons.  People do good for many reasons.  Sometimes because they need praise.  Sometimes because they want to go to heaven (which in my opinion is the worst reason to do good).  Sometimes because they have had so many blessings they can’t do anything else.  When I’ve done good it’s because I ‘ve had the peace of Jesus Christ inside me and doing good just results.

                From Dad I learned that the deeper you know a person the easier it is to love them.  You can’t stop half way in the knowing because then sometimes you don’t get to the love thing.

                From Dad I learned that life is hard but forgiveness makes it easier.

                From Dad I learned that kindness is very important.  He is very kind.  But even very kind people do very unkind things.

                From Dad I learned not to be a respecter of persons.  I learned that because he chose to care about some people who were the most difficult people I know.  And he chose to cast off people who were very good  because they were fat or black.  By the time he died he’d learned that he could vote for a black president and hug very fat women.

                From Dad I learned that people change.  I learned to not hold people to their sins.  To use new eyes and give people a chance. 

                From Dad I learned to be tough.  To be proud of yourself.  That there is a pride that adds to life.

                From Dad I learned that selfishness hurts.

                Because of Dad I learned about Grace. 

                There have been times in my life that I prayed he would die so I wouldn’t have to deal with him.  I thought my life would be better without him.  And now I think I won’t be able to stand it when I can’t stop by and give him a kiss and a hug.  I look into his eyes and I see one thing: love.  I see the man who adored me as a baby, delighted in me as a toddler, held me when I cried, defended me as a teen, watched me cheerlead, sacrificed for me so I could eat and have a roof over my head and have gifts at Christmas and birthdays.  I see a man who was weak when it came to alcohol and women.  I see a man who was physically strong and tender hearted.  A man who lived with guilt and shame.  He does not feel worthy of the love bestowed upon him.  I see his faults as I see my own.  I know him like a child knows her father.  And I love him deeply.

               

Susie Woods

I have 3 Susan sisters.  My own Susan Jean.  Terry's sister Susan Jean and Rand's wife Susan (Jeannette i think).  Today I want to honor Terry's sister - we call Susie.  In Terry's life she is stability.  I don't know anyone he admires more.  When he talks to her I hear a lightness and joy in his voice.  We don't really do much for Susie.  But she's done so much for us.  I look around my house and see a cookie jar, paper plate holder, plastic bag holder, drink cups, and probably stuff I'm forgetting that she has made and sent us.  At Christmas our tree is filled with ornaments she made and sent to us.  She has her own family but she always finds room in her life for us.  And not just us.  She finds room for taking care of those she loves around her.  She is like a strong spot in the middle of people's lives.  I have been so blessed as I have watched her faith grow and as we have shared a love for the Bible and for God.  Lately I have realized she is praying for me and I am so thankful for that blessing.  It gives me peace.  In the Reiff family I think she is the one most like her Dad and yet I also see that spunk that her Mom had.  I love that Reiff ability to make quick decisions and stick with them.  Susie is a great volleyball ref - one of the best in Missouri.  She does crafts, bakes, tries new activities, is a great friend for her friends, has a good sense of humor, runs Laurel Club, supports her children and grandchildren, is a positive church member, thinks of others....I could go on and on.  Here's to you, Susie!  I love and admire you.  Thanks for all you do.

The Kingdom

The Kingdom came one night at Pizza church.  People cried.  People laughed.  Love was flung around like a basketball.  Love was deep and strong. The Kingdom came one morning at church.  A grandmother had died.  Another grandmother had arms around her great nephew.  People hugged.  People cried.  Love was deep and strong. The Kingdom came in my bed one night.  We talked into the night.  Healing happened.  We cried.  We laughed.  Feelings were shared.  Love was deep and strong.  The Kingdom came at reunion.  Walls came down.  People shared from their heart.  Trust was easy.  Love was deep and strong.  The Kingdom came in our family once.  We didn't plan it.  We sat in a hostel.  We laughed.  We shared.  We didn't cry but love was deep and strong.  The Kingdom came to me one morning.  I sat alone and praised God.  It felt so good I cried and I laughed. I rested. Things were tough but God was enough.
I always think I'll do a study on the Kingdom and find out what all those parables really mean and I think I still will.  But once in awhile  the Kingdom just seems to fall into my lap, our laps.  And I know what it is.  I can't explain it.  But I know it's there.  I usually laugh.  I usually cry.  And Love is deep and strong.

It was a bad week.  I had 2 hard days.  Have you ever just not known how to talk to anyone about how you feel?  And you thought people were tired of your complaining so you were just quiet?  but I needed to get it out.  I needed to be fed spiritually.  I needed to verbally process.  I had missed a call from Diane, my sister in Missoula.  No message and I got busy and didn't return it.  Tuesday we were going to Missoula to see Matt and his family.(Maci - yeah!)  On the way over I called Diane and she was so excited about getting together.  We sometimes don't when I'm there because I'm busy with Matt's family or she's busy with her activities.  She said she could spend the day with me!  Wow!  What a treat!  Wednesday morning I got up early and went to her house.  She was having a fast and pray day to prepare for her family's trip to Africa.  She was preparing for her prayer time and was glad I could join her. She  had some needs that she shared with me and I shared with her but mostly we talked about God and how amazing and astounding God is.  She read Isaiah 58 and a devotion from her book she has to read to prepare.  Some of her readings were about prayer and it's importance in preparation.  I had been starting to do prep for our reunion I direct.  I needed to hear that message.  She needed to be with family.  She was lonesome for Mom and Dad and so was I.  Some of the things we shared were things only kids of Mom and Dad would feel and understand in the same way.  I really can't explain exactly how it all came together but we each had a need and that need was met though our meeting.  We each believe God was in that meeting, that time together.  We each believe prayer is important.  It is one of the greatest gifts I have that I have sisters who share my faith.  Especially who openly profess and inwardly praise God through Jesus Christ.  Thanks Diane.  Thanks God.  You did it again!  I never can figure out just how You do it but I know You know me and so quickly move to show Your support and Love.

I love diversity.  I like different breakfasts every morning.  I like meeting different kinds of people. I love listening to different ideas.  Once we were involved in a bible study with people of many different faiths.  It was so stimulating.  Each of them told us they were raised to believe their church was "the one true church."  Of course I thought that was unique to the RLDS faith.  Once we talked about baptism and those who practice infant baptism shared their belief about that.  I found it interesting and I could see the view but I didn't have to embrace it myself.  With that group I didn't feel compelled to talk them into my way.  I loved being there and had great respect for those who came.  I especially liked those who didn't try to talk me into their beliefs.  This morning I listened to a website the Mormons have on the "I am a Mormon" thing.  I enjoyed it very much.  Many mornings I listen to a devotion, "Pray-As-You-Go".  It's a Catholic site and the music and scriptures bless me so much.  I hear many negative things about "right wing christianity" but when I meet them I'm impressed by their passion for God.  I absolutely love those who sincerely want to find God and spend their lives searching.  I love my own church.  Really, I've given much of my life for it.  Even at times when I didn't like it very  much I continued going and giving.  I think it's just part of my Golden Retreiver personality.  I'm loyal and faithful. I love the idea of continuing revelation, that God still speaks.  I love our way of working together as a community.  I love that we are trying now to listen and understand each other.  I also love the things I've learned with contact with people of other faiths.  It was people of other faiths who taught me to love scripture and learn about Jesus more completely.  It was from people of other faiths that I learned to worship in more ritualistic ways.  I love the rituals in some churches.  I would be less of a person if I had not listened and embraced other faiths. I believe God is at work in each one of us and in many faiths, bringing people to their Creator.
I wish you could see the sunrise now.  It's amazing.

Moments

I love getting books for Christmas.  This year I am reading 3. The 3rd Harry Potter so I can talk to Spencer who is also reading them.  I picked up one for myself for Christmas by Joyce Meyer who I am always helped by- " 100 Ways to Simplify Your Life."  I"m reading a way a week and trying to put it into practice. Day one was, "Do One Thing At a Time".  Focus our minds on the thing we're doing, stay in the moment.  I've found such joy in enjoying my moments.  It's quite a discipline and I will have to work on it all year.  I am enjoying sunrises, the softness of Angel's fur, the beauty of our cat's face, listening, really hearing Terry.
My all time favorite book I got from Nathan and Karen and it's from Public Radio's  "Speaking of Faith" by Krista Tippett.  It is touching a very inner core in me.  Yesterday I read, "Develop eyes to see and ears to hear"...something mysterious happens when you train your eyes to see differently, your ears to hear differently, to attend to what you have been ignoring."  She says every religious tradition has these same ideas. 
I love how these two books are teaching me the same value.  The value of Life lived a moment at a time.  When I get the same message from so many directions I thank God because I know I need that message and I believe it's coming from the Divine.
Speaking of God...Is God not like a Parent to longs to bless Her children if they will only ask?  That is the God I believe in.  It seems like if I truly want to find God, putting aside all else, God is immediately at my side.  Well, I suppose God is always there and I just have made myself ready to receive. - finally.

2011

I think the end of a year and the beginning of a new is a great time.  I like it.  I like to think of what I'm thankful for.  So here goes.
First and foremost, I am thankful for my relationship with Jesus Christ.  I'm thankful that my Mother was a great woman of faith whose faith was her first love.  Seeing that example profoundly effected my life.  I'm thankful I had many other relatives who struggled through the journey of faith so I could watch them and learn. I'm thankful that through my life I was allowed to be a part of church families where I met giants in faith who inspired as well as supported me on my own journey.  I'm thankful for this year when I felt more open and honest about my faith struggles.  I know God is constant, faithful, sure, and definitely not a tame lion. (CS Lewis)  I'm thankful for friends and loved ones who journey with me.  I'm thankful God does not always answer my prayers the way I want.
I'm thankful that I was taught to pray believing that my prayers are heard and answered, sometimes even in ways I could see. 
This year I am thankful that even in tough times I could say thank you because I know God is a God of redemption and salvation - the many dimensions of salvation (Steve Veazy from God)
and I know that I will learn and that so many good things come from the struggles.  In fact, I'm deeply thankful for struggles. (most days)
This year I am thankful for an amazing husband. He has always been faithful - no, I don't mean he has not commited adultery though he hasn't and I don't take that lightly.  I mean he is faithful in working very hard at doing what is best for me.  He finds my happiness as one of his utmost goals.  Through my recent dis-ease he has been patient, supportive and loving.  When we were spending many nights at Dad's March through August he never complained or even whined once. He teaches, learns, gives great neck and leg rubs, loves our children, works hard, supports us well.  Most importantly he journeys in faith with me and sharing that journey with the most important person in my life is one of my greatest blessings.
I'm thankful for my children.  They teach me.  Because of our umbilical connection I will learn from them in ways I would not learn from others.  They have become such amazing adults.  Their respect and caring for me means so much. I admire them and pray for them daily.  This paragraph includes my chldren's spouses who are the best!
I'm thankful for my grandchildren.  They give me life. When I grow up I want to be just like them.
I'm thankful for my church family.  They are saving me.  They are real.
I have many other wonderful things to be thankful for but breakfast is ready.