4 years ago we took Terra, Zach and family to their new home in Philadelphia. Terry drove with them and I flew with Spencer. We drove to what was to become their new home and I was devastated. No back yard! Almost no yard! Trashy streets! Hot and muggy! On a busy street! I racked my brain trying to come up with a way they could buy something else. I could hardly find a home with a back yard let alone one they could afford. The neighbors seemed scarey. We left our precious daughter, darling grandson and their protector, Zach in this place that seemed dangerous, filthy and beyond God's redemption. A few months later when I flew out for the birth of the twins I didn't feel much better. She had been unable to find a doctor who would take even her high risk pregnancy without insurance. Every time I flew away from that city that first year I watched the city as the airplane flew out of the smog and could not believe those I loved had to breath it, endure it. I was helpless to change anything. I cried until I got to the next stop.
As the years have passed I have seen God's miracle in this place was more perfect than I could imagine. God had placed her in a place where she was 1 block from a great library, a good mechanic at the end of the block, the wic office less than a block, a great hardware store within walking distance, close to the zoo, close to a place for Zach to catch the subway. A lovely lady called Debbie had instantly befriended her, helped her create date night, children's play time and a safe space for sharing her burdens and her children. She and Zach and the children have found amazing friendships, had unforgetable experiences and are, as I write, crying and grieving the loss of a place called Philly that they hate to leave.
Today I went on line to try to find cheap tickets so I could fly there to help Terra this next week in South Carolina. She will be in a new place alone with her children as Zach cannot leave Philly yet. She has not seen her house, known her neighbors, signed Spencer up for school which starts Monday. She will be clear across the US by herself with no visible support. I cannot find a flight I can afford. But, I have learned my lesson. God will do amazing things in her life this year. No matter the circumstances, I have a daughter who knows God's provision for her and trusts. She believes in prayer. She is obedient to God's will for her. She is strong and confident. She loves her children and knows how to take care of them. She knows how to get her perspective. She has a church community that supports each other. She will be fine.

 

THE GIFT OF TERRY

So, today we have been married 39 years. What I love about marriage is that even after 39 years we are still learning about each other. We are always reading books on marriage and about a year and a half ago when we went on a trip together and read to each other, The Five Love Languages. The five languages are: gift giving, presence, acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. During that time we realized that gift-giving is definitely Terry's and definitely not mine. So, for years, Terry has been giving gifts to me because that is his love language and I have said things like, "Oh, that's nice." or "Gee..." And, of course, that has been disappointing to him. Since that trip together, we have saved alot of money! And I am trying to remember, what I've always realized, that he loves me to give him gifts! It is not easy to believe and I have to force myself to use them as an expression of love. My love language is words of affirmation. I am an affirmation junkee. Terry is a faster learner and he tells me, at least once a day things like, "You are so beautiful," or "I am so blessed to be married to you," or "You have a great body!"
We are both a bit embarassed about our love language. I tell myself, intellectually, that it's pretty immature to need to be told so often that you are wonderful. And Terry feels like it's so small to want gifts or to feel bad when someone doesn't give you a gift on your birthday. But we are both thrilled when our love language is used. When our grandkids were going to all be home we talked about what their love language might be. We knew Kate's was not gifts since she has been known to say, "No thank you. I have enough toys." We know Michael loves to get gifts but he also likes presence (focused attention). We know Spencer loves physical touch. We are still working on learning these.
I also know about myself that I tend to give attention to my grandkids and ignore Terry. But today is our anniversary. And, even though his love language is not words of affirmation, mine is and I need to say some things I love so much about my husband.
I asked God, as a child, to let me marry a doctor or a seventy. God gave me both.
God knew I needed to feel secure in my marriage so God gave me someone who adores me and has 100% commitment to our relationship. He puts me first.
God knew I needed gentleness and Terry has become a very gentle person.
Terry is a rare man who will read books with me, go to counseling, listen to me without trying to fix me, go to "chic flicks", learn and change and work hard at being a good and loving husband. When I tell him something that is bothering me, he tries so hard to change and he is a fast learner.
He supports me financially in the way I have become accustomed. He does it with a job he loves and in a way that has caused me to have a great deal of respect for him.
His first love is not me but God. I am blessed to be able to serve with him. He has become someone whose opinion I respect and whose service I admire.
He works hard to become a good grandfather and father. He is willing to read and learn and grow.
He is a hard worker. He is a great lover. He is a sacrificial person. He is humble. He is clean and neat.
So today, I feel so thankful. I believe God brought him to me so many years ago when I was too immature and unwise to know what I would need. And God has been at work changing us both to become the "old folks" we are today!

Thank You #2

I'm thankful for laughter. An old man's chuckle as his merry eyes watch his family laugh together. A baby's first laugh, so spontaneous, contageous, free. A Nonie laugh, tears rolling, unstoppable. A Dennis laugh, a fun surprise. Children laughing together when something tickles them. Nancy's laugh at a movie, making the whole theatre come alive and remember they don't have to keep their laughter to themselves. Ken's laughter, often and joy bringing. Our family laughing together as they remember, wanting to keep the memories flowing, just for the sake of laughter. Laughing begats laughing begats laughing begats laughing begats hope.

 
 
 

Thank You...#1

LIFE Giver,
Thank you for dancing.
Mother swaying back and forth, infant to her chest.
Toddler bouncing up and down hearing music first.
Children holding hands circling round, falling, laughing again and again.
Teens swaying bodies close or wild, fun loving.
Young adults learning new moves, swing, charleston,- I don't know the new ones.
Couples whispering as they sway, close and in love.
Wedding dance with daughter/father, son/mother - my favorite ones of all.
Couples old surprising us with finness from years of practice.
And ones so old they cannot do what they love to do...watching, remembering,
delighting as others carry on.
Russians kicking high.
Strong ballet capturing our vision.
Africans chanting as they move, strong and confident.
You know what I'm thinking, Lord. Why don't we do it more?
And, how could religion ever have thought it was evil?
Thank you, God, for wanting our joy.