Today I was blessed to get to go skiing with Gayle and Brenda at Discovery which is near Anaconda. (24 inches of fresh snow!) We drove in Gayle's new truck that has a phone built in. Since it was on speaker we all heard all conversations.
Brenda wanted us to drop her off at the high school in Anaconda because Erica was performing there with groups from other towns. Gayle decided he'd like to send me home with the truck (I didn't want to stay as I was tired) so began a few calls to see if Dan was coming, when, and if Kathryn wanted to come over with him. At first Kathryn said she was going to stay home. Then Gayle said, "I thought if you were coming over I'd just stay with Brenda and we could all ride home together. And if you don't want to come I'll just come on home." She said, "OK, I'll come over with Dan if he hasn't left." I don't think she really wanted to go. I think she wanted to stay home. But I could tell Gayle wanted to stay with Brenda but wanted Kathryn with him. But he didn't put pressure on her to come. His voice was gentle and open to her decision. I thought about how, over the years it's easy to read our spouses. It can be a blessing or we can use it for ill. Today, Kathryn used it for a blessing. She just knew it was important for her to go. Many times she chooses to stay home but today she heard the tone of his voice and chose to do what would make him happy. It was a gift to him, I think. But it was also a gift to her that he wanted her presence. Those kinds of "giftings" are what makes love grow. True love gives, hopes for what is best for the other person, sacrifices sometimes for the good of the other. I'm thankful that Terry has that kind of love for me. In so many different ways on a daily basis he gives, sacrifices so I can be happy. He learned it from his parents who had that kind of love. I think when Jesus talked about the Kingdom of God being like a seed planted He was talking about that kind of true love.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Kerry
From Kerry I would take his ability to have fun and do just what he wants to without feeling guilty. Maybe it was because he was 7th in a family of 9 and he needed his own identity. He and Brian were and are one of the great delights of my life. They were born when I was in my JR. High years. I was delighted with their arrival. I remember standing Kerry in the corner at Grandma Sacry's house and helping him walk. Holding him, burping him, laughing at his cute antics. It had been a few years since we had any babies and I was so in love with Kerry when he arrived.
When he was a pre-schooler he was so busy. And so creative in his antics. When my friend Barbara Ballard (Seybert now) came over one day and was playing the piano he was feeding her raisens while she played. He handed her one at a time. Between her playing she would reach over and receive a raisen. One of those times when her hand came over he slipped in a fly. Thankfully, she thought he was as clever as I did.
I remember Mom chasing Kerry across the house with a pancake turner and when she finally caught him he would say, "I like to be spanked!" While he was one of Mom's challenges, I always got the feeling that she also adored him and admired his spunk. Karen (his wife) praises Mom for raising a son with so much confidence. Maybe part of that was because she truely did think he was clever, intelligent, fun and full of life. He was a real treat in our lives. That has never changed.
Kerry and Brian seldom just sat and watched TV. They created high jump and pole vault pits in the yard. They had boxing matches. When Kerry was in one of the early grades he got in trouble because he and his friends thought it would be funny to place a banana peel in the hall of the school and see who would slip on it. Once he and Brian came to stay with us for a few days when we lived in Columbia, MO. I loved that! I remember we built a bowling alley in our hall. Kerry's 3rd teacher told Mom he wasn't capable of doing good work but she would pass him anyway and gave him all C's. I figured she was pretty stupid because I knew he was one of the most intelligent people I knew. We now know he has dislexia and probably did have a hard time. But Kerry didn't let that stop him. Yesterday Brian, Dad and I ate breakfast together and we were thinking about how Kerry is the only one of my brothers who does computers like Kerry does. Kerry really understands them.
I always have given credit to Carla for Kerry's success in high school. Their closeness helped him go on a good path. But since I was away from home during those years I can't say for sure. I do know they've always had a special friendship.
When I think of Kerry I love most his laugh and his loving attitude. We tease him because he always seems to get a job that he can love and have fun in. Bendix, Anchor gaming and then teaching and coaching, and, of course, the theatre. I admire his ability to change careers in mid stream. I understand his love for the high school kids and I understand why they love him. He is just so nice to be around. He's really like Mom in that way. He draws people to himself because he is just so fun to be with. While I feel guilty if I'm not living up to everyone's expectations, Kerry seems to realize that he's happiest and is more a gift to others when he is himself, when he is true to who God created him to be. And in being himself, he has gifted us all so much. By being a charming toddler; and fun, creative elementary age child; an active, athletic, friendly and fun teen; an adult who sought out his dreams and had the courage to follow them. And we get so much fun because he's done that. We get to watch basketball games, tennis matches, cross country, etc. We get to go to the movies free. We get to enjoy his delightful children. And we get to be a part of his life and have the joy of just being with him. His warm, gentle hugs. His smile with a wink. His kiss on the forehead. His laughter. Thanks, Kerry. So easy to love.
When he was a pre-schooler he was so busy. And so creative in his antics. When my friend Barbara Ballard (Seybert now) came over one day and was playing the piano he was feeding her raisens while she played. He handed her one at a time. Between her playing she would reach over and receive a raisen. One of those times when her hand came over he slipped in a fly. Thankfully, she thought he was as clever as I did.
I remember Mom chasing Kerry across the house with a pancake turner and when she finally caught him he would say, "I like to be spanked!" While he was one of Mom's challenges, I always got the feeling that she also adored him and admired his spunk. Karen (his wife) praises Mom for raising a son with so much confidence. Maybe part of that was because she truely did think he was clever, intelligent, fun and full of life. He was a real treat in our lives. That has never changed.
Kerry and Brian seldom just sat and watched TV. They created high jump and pole vault pits in the yard. They had boxing matches. When Kerry was in one of the early grades he got in trouble because he and his friends thought it would be funny to place a banana peel in the hall of the school and see who would slip on it. Once he and Brian came to stay with us for a few days when we lived in Columbia, MO. I loved that! I remember we built a bowling alley in our hall. Kerry's 3rd teacher told Mom he wasn't capable of doing good work but she would pass him anyway and gave him all C's. I figured she was pretty stupid because I knew he was one of the most intelligent people I knew. We now know he has dislexia and probably did have a hard time. But Kerry didn't let that stop him. Yesterday Brian, Dad and I ate breakfast together and we were thinking about how Kerry is the only one of my brothers who does computers like Kerry does. Kerry really understands them.
I always have given credit to Carla for Kerry's success in high school. Their closeness helped him go on a good path. But since I was away from home during those years I can't say for sure. I do know they've always had a special friendship.
When I think of Kerry I love most his laugh and his loving attitude. We tease him because he always seems to get a job that he can love and have fun in. Bendix, Anchor gaming and then teaching and coaching, and, of course, the theatre. I admire his ability to change careers in mid stream. I understand his love for the high school kids and I understand why they love him. He is just so nice to be around. He's really like Mom in that way. He draws people to himself because he is just so fun to be with. While I feel guilty if I'm not living up to everyone's expectations, Kerry seems to realize that he's happiest and is more a gift to others when he is himself, when he is true to who God created him to be. And in being himself, he has gifted us all so much. By being a charming toddler; and fun, creative elementary age child; an active, athletic, friendly and fun teen; an adult who sought out his dreams and had the courage to follow them. And we get so much fun because he's done that. We get to watch basketball games, tennis matches, cross country, etc. We get to go to the movies free. We get to enjoy his delightful children. And we get to be a part of his life and have the joy of just being with him. His warm, gentle hugs. His smile with a wink. His kiss on the forehead. His laughter. Thanks, Kerry. So easy to love.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Deer Lodge
Susan, Dad and I drove through Deer Lodge the other day. Susan drove past the place we used to live. It's alot different now but the memories were still there.
We moved there so Dad could open up an electrical store. We'd never lived off the ranch so it was a new thing for us all. We stayed for a year and a half. The place we live was right by a river. Across the river lived a herd of buffalo. Once in awhile they would come up by our house and we'd have to stay inside till they left.
Next door lived the Jones family. I suppose they were the typical dysfunctional family. Their Dad worked as a guard at the prison. The kids were kind of wild. I played with Jimmy Jones. His big sister was Susan's age, Sharon. One day Sharon had said something to hurt my feelings. I was inside the house ironing pillowcases, hankies or something, crying. Jim came in and asked me what was wrong. I told him what Sharon had said. He said, "You want me to go throw a rock at her?" I remember feeling a little reluctant but then I said, "Yeah." Next thing I knew here came Jim being brought in by Mom, getting the scolding of his life. His aim had been good and now Sharon was bleeding from the head. I told Mom that I'd told him to do it and why he had. She didn't say another word about it and Jim didn't get in any more trouble.
Another thing I remember from Deer Lodge was taking turns at dishes. We would watch TV and then run in at commercials and do the dishes. Why does that stick in my mind?
One day Mom was going on an errand and she dropped Jim off at the corner drug store to get something for her. She got preoccupied and forgot him. Supper time came and when we all sat down to eat she suddenly remembered about Jim. She drove back quickly and there he was just sitting in front of the store waiting. (I can just see Kevin doing that!)
We walked about a quarter of a mile to the bus stop each morning. One morning it was so cold a teenage girl fainted from the cold. I remember the sympathy in our house not being too large since the girl wore a dress, no pants underneath, pretty shoes and no socks.
One of my least favorite memories of Deer Lodge was piano lessons. I wanted to play but I HATED going to lessons. They were in a very large stone building on main street with huge columns in front. When I entered I walked through a large room to a piano in the far corner. I dreaded that walk. We had a piano but it was in a spare room (How did a family with 6 children in a 4 bedroom house have a spare room?) The room was where all the toys were kept and I remember having to walk over the top of them to get to the piano. The pedals were covered with toys. I would open that piano book and it seemed so beyond my ability that I would just get discouraged and plunk a little and quit. I think that explains why I dreaded the lessons. I'm sure I did poorly.
We road the bus every day and the first day of school we road the whole route, never getting off. Jim and I just sat there. The bus driver turned around and looked at us and asked us where we lived. We just shrugged. "We went over a bridge.." was our only clue. We had to drive back to the school in the bus so the driver could go into the school and find out where we lived.
Jim didn't want to go in the first place. Mom chased him to the bus and then he took off back to home leaving her trailing behind. He lost his shoe and I remember her carrying it following him.
The first time I got my report card there I started crying. It wasn't as good as I thought it should be. The teacher realized my struggling and brought me over another report card. The first one was my old Cardwell one. The second one had straight A's. I felt better.
I still remember standing in the playground when I wasn't supposed to jump rope. I was good at it. I would watch the other girls playing and feel so sad. Then someone would ask me to join them and I couldn't resist. I would jump so well and then suffer the consequences later. I can still feel the ache in my joints.
Every Saturday we kids would walk to the theatre on main street. We each had a dime and we could go to the show for that. I think we got candy too but I suppose Susan or Dennis got the carry the candy money.
The Deer Lodge church was where I got baptised. Gayle baptised me and I think maybe Mom and Dad. I remember 2 things about my baptism: Gayle forgot his white pants and the man who confirmed me had very shakey hands. I do remember it being a very solumn and important day for me. I took it very seriously.
Susan and I have often said we probably would have been juvenile delinquents if we had stayed in Deer Lodge. But for that time in our lives it was quite an adventure.
Oh, a couple of other memories. Having pink eye and Mom coming around opening our eyes with a wash cloth each morning. And Randy sitting in the hall pulling the legs off of daddy long legs. Oh, yes, and Dennis had model airplanes that we were strictly forbidden to play with.
We were very thankful to move back to the ranch.
We moved there so Dad could open up an electrical store. We'd never lived off the ranch so it was a new thing for us all. We stayed for a year and a half. The place we live was right by a river. Across the river lived a herd of buffalo. Once in awhile they would come up by our house and we'd have to stay inside till they left.
Next door lived the Jones family. I suppose they were the typical dysfunctional family. Their Dad worked as a guard at the prison. The kids were kind of wild. I played with Jimmy Jones. His big sister was Susan's age, Sharon. One day Sharon had said something to hurt my feelings. I was inside the house ironing pillowcases, hankies or something, crying. Jim came in and asked me what was wrong. I told him what Sharon had said. He said, "You want me to go throw a rock at her?" I remember feeling a little reluctant but then I said, "Yeah." Next thing I knew here came Jim being brought in by Mom, getting the scolding of his life. His aim had been good and now Sharon was bleeding from the head. I told Mom that I'd told him to do it and why he had. She didn't say another word about it and Jim didn't get in any more trouble.
Another thing I remember from Deer Lodge was taking turns at dishes. We would watch TV and then run in at commercials and do the dishes. Why does that stick in my mind?
One day Mom was going on an errand and she dropped Jim off at the corner drug store to get something for her. She got preoccupied and forgot him. Supper time came and when we all sat down to eat she suddenly remembered about Jim. She drove back quickly and there he was just sitting in front of the store waiting. (I can just see Kevin doing that!)
We walked about a quarter of a mile to the bus stop each morning. One morning it was so cold a teenage girl fainted from the cold. I remember the sympathy in our house not being too large since the girl wore a dress, no pants underneath, pretty shoes and no socks.
One of my least favorite memories of Deer Lodge was piano lessons. I wanted to play but I HATED going to lessons. They were in a very large stone building on main street with huge columns in front. When I entered I walked through a large room to a piano in the far corner. I dreaded that walk. We had a piano but it was in a spare room (How did a family with 6 children in a 4 bedroom house have a spare room?) The room was where all the toys were kept and I remember having to walk over the top of them to get to the piano. The pedals were covered with toys. I would open that piano book and it seemed so beyond my ability that I would just get discouraged and plunk a little and quit. I think that explains why I dreaded the lessons. I'm sure I did poorly.
We road the bus every day and the first day of school we road the whole route, never getting off. Jim and I just sat there. The bus driver turned around and looked at us and asked us where we lived. We just shrugged. "We went over a bridge.." was our only clue. We had to drive back to the school in the bus so the driver could go into the school and find out where we lived.
Jim didn't want to go in the first place. Mom chased him to the bus and then he took off back to home leaving her trailing behind. He lost his shoe and I remember her carrying it following him.
The first time I got my report card there I started crying. It wasn't as good as I thought it should be. The teacher realized my struggling and brought me over another report card. The first one was my old Cardwell one. The second one had straight A's. I felt better.
I still remember standing in the playground when I wasn't supposed to jump rope. I was good at it. I would watch the other girls playing and feel so sad. Then someone would ask me to join them and I couldn't resist. I would jump so well and then suffer the consequences later. I can still feel the ache in my joints.
Every Saturday we kids would walk to the theatre on main street. We each had a dime and we could go to the show for that. I think we got candy too but I suppose Susan or Dennis got the carry the candy money.
The Deer Lodge church was where I got baptised. Gayle baptised me and I think maybe Mom and Dad. I remember 2 things about my baptism: Gayle forgot his white pants and the man who confirmed me had very shakey hands. I do remember it being a very solumn and important day for me. I took it very seriously.
Susan and I have often said we probably would have been juvenile delinquents if we had stayed in Deer Lodge. But for that time in our lives it was quite an adventure.
Oh, a couple of other memories. Having pink eye and Mom coming around opening our eyes with a wash cloth each morning. And Randy sitting in the hall pulling the legs off of daddy long legs. Oh, yes, and Dennis had model airplanes that we were strictly forbidden to play with.
We were very thankful to move back to the ranch.
Wanderings
God is kind. Stephen King says God is not kind but God is good. I know what he means but I disagree. Yesterday, I felt the nudgings to go to Mom's house. I kept telling myself there wasn't time. Two of my activities were canceled and I still didn't go. I remembered last night that I needed to take her tax stuff to Annette today. Any time I have to do something like that I get so lonesome for her. So, now it's 4:30am and I'm remembering... wandering through my mind, remembering. And wishing it wasn't so early and I could go to her house and just be there. Mom would say those nudgings were from God. So, now, when I have a busy day ahead I am up early and, because the remembering is so sweet I can't sleep.
When we lived in Deer Lodge I was sick alot - most of the time I was there I was sick. I had Mono, Rheumatic Fever and Hepatitis all in one year. I don't have bad memories of it really because Mom was such a loving nurse to me. She would tell me not to jump rope and I loved to do it, so being a 2nd grader I would anyway. I'd come home from school so tired and my legs would ache so bad. She would sit by my bed and rub my legs for me. It felt so good. I missed about 6 weeks of school and Mom would sometimes pretend that I was in the hospital. She would change my sheets like they do in the hospital by turning me on my side, take the sheets of that side off and slide them to my back, turn me the other way and then take the sheets off and put on new ones. I'm sure I could have gotten up but she just treated me with kindness, making that time fun.
Many years later after my brain surgery she took care of me a week after I left the hospital. She believed potatoes were healing so she made me lots of things with potatoes in them - potato soup especially tasted good. One day I had to go to the bathroom and couldn't walk without help. I would place my hands on her shoulders and follow her into the bathroom. I was having kind of a pity party that day. (And you know how she hated those!) I said, "I hate this." She said, "Well, you could throw a fit but then you'd have to get back up off the floor and walk to the bathroom anyway." That may not seem like a kind thing to say but it helped me and she knew it would. She had been there - at pity parties, that is.
I felt kind of smothered that week between Terry's love and Mom's. When I think of how I feel when my kids are hurting I can understand how she must have felt.
Mom was good in situations like that though. I loved to have her with me when we visited people who were in the hospital or when someone had died and we visited their family. She had a way of lifting their spirits through laughter and just being pleasant. I thought I should be somber, out of respect but she just smiled and let them know she cared.
Another thing i loved to do with Mom is visit a new church. We'd be in a strange town and she would want to go to church somewhere. We'd find a church and just go in. She would just visit with people and get to know them like she knew them all her life. Once we went to what we called a "holy roller" church. I'm not even sure where it was. We just picked a church off the street. It was very charismatic and people were laying in the isles, jumping around and stuff. We got lots of laugh out of that one. She just knew how to find joy in many situations.
I think I miss most just walking into her house, feeling a close, warm, long hug.
Praying together, or just doing nothing at all. Feeling welcome and treasured. I hope, when I die, God sends her to greet me with that long, warm, close hug. I bet God will. Because I know God is kind.
When we lived in Deer Lodge I was sick alot - most of the time I was there I was sick. I had Mono, Rheumatic Fever and Hepatitis all in one year. I don't have bad memories of it really because Mom was such a loving nurse to me. She would tell me not to jump rope and I loved to do it, so being a 2nd grader I would anyway. I'd come home from school so tired and my legs would ache so bad. She would sit by my bed and rub my legs for me. It felt so good. I missed about 6 weeks of school and Mom would sometimes pretend that I was in the hospital. She would change my sheets like they do in the hospital by turning me on my side, take the sheets of that side off and slide them to my back, turn me the other way and then take the sheets off and put on new ones. I'm sure I could have gotten up but she just treated me with kindness, making that time fun.
Many years later after my brain surgery she took care of me a week after I left the hospital. She believed potatoes were healing so she made me lots of things with potatoes in them - potato soup especially tasted good. One day I had to go to the bathroom and couldn't walk without help. I would place my hands on her shoulders and follow her into the bathroom. I was having kind of a pity party that day. (And you know how she hated those!) I said, "I hate this." She said, "Well, you could throw a fit but then you'd have to get back up off the floor and walk to the bathroom anyway." That may not seem like a kind thing to say but it helped me and she knew it would. She had been there - at pity parties, that is.
I felt kind of smothered that week between Terry's love and Mom's. When I think of how I feel when my kids are hurting I can understand how she must have felt.
Mom was good in situations like that though. I loved to have her with me when we visited people who were in the hospital or when someone had died and we visited their family. She had a way of lifting their spirits through laughter and just being pleasant. I thought I should be somber, out of respect but she just smiled and let them know she cared.
Another thing i loved to do with Mom is visit a new church. We'd be in a strange town and she would want to go to church somewhere. We'd find a church and just go in. She would just visit with people and get to know them like she knew them all her life. Once we went to what we called a "holy roller" church. I'm not even sure where it was. We just picked a church off the street. It was very charismatic and people were laying in the isles, jumping around and stuff. We got lots of laugh out of that one. She just knew how to find joy in many situations.
I think I miss most just walking into her house, feeling a close, warm, long hug.
Praying together, or just doing nothing at all. Feeling welcome and treasured. I hope, when I die, God sends her to greet me with that long, warm, close hug. I bet God will. Because I know God is kind.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Peace, Be Still
The most recent section of the Community of Christ's Doctrine and Covenants has one section that I loved from the minute I heard it. "Jesus Christ, the embodiment of God's shalom, invites all people to come and receive God's peace in the midst of the difficult questions and struggles of life. Follow Christ in the way that leads to God's peace and discover the blessings of all of the dimensions of salvation." (163:2a) I love the idea of going home to Christ someday (hopefully later than sooner) but, in my life I have been saved so much, so often, sometimes every hour by the Spirit of Christ that is so alive to me in my life. I could share so many testimonies of how that has happened. Like this week. I will ask no pity since I just came off of a week of vacation in DC that was wonderful, fun and inspiring. Nevertheless, coming home after a vacation has it's own challenges. Among those was the usual preps for Bible study, Peacemakers, and being in charge on Sunday. On top of those things I knew I would have Kate for a few days and Susan was going to spend the week with me. All of these things I love. But it was a bit of an overload, especially when we decided to take Kate and go to Missoula so Susan could see Diane. We invited Dad too and left Thursday after peacemakers and came home Friday afternoon. OK, so it's all my decision. And I love to be with Kate, Susan, Dad, Diane, Jamie's family, Matt and Tasha. I love peacemakers and being with the kids. But one morning when I woke early to work on peacemakers I could not get my mind calmed. All of the "what if's" were looming large in my mind! I tried reading my devotions, the Bible, praying, sitting still... Nothing worked. I only became more and more stressed. I couldn't even focus on the task immediately at hand. Finally, "Lord, I need your help. Give me a short scripture that I can repeat in my head when I begin to obsess!" The theme for that day's peacemakers was, "The Storms of Life." I began again to try to put together my part in it. Almost immediately the words came to me that Jesus used to rebuke the storm, "Peace, Be Still!." Imagine... the words He used to rebuke the storms of His life! And just as immediately I was at peace and still. You cannot imagine the peace and beauty of the 2 days that followed. I used those words often. Why am I amazed? Doesn't God promise us that peace? One of the "dimensions of salvation." Yes, I think being saved someday into the Kingdom of Heaven will be the very best. But being "saved" today from myself is very amazing also. Thank you Jesus!
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