moments of light

Each day I listen to Pray-as-you-go.com. It's got a great devotion. It also has a review of the day thingy. It helps you think back over the day and see where you experienced God's light in that day. I thought I had a bad day. Struggled to stay in it. But as I listened and remembered, I realized there were such lovely moments.
Sharing morning devotions with T.; listening to a wonderful song and copying it for reunion; walking outside during one of the rare times that it wasn't raining;Feeling God's presence nudging me to look at the 3 apple trees we planted last fall for the 3 girls born; Dad calling wanting to share a good movie with me;listening to music at the music concert. And a wonderful nap. I could hardly get out of bed and no coughing while I slept. So many moments of light. Thank you, God.

Valued

For those of us who think we are in charge of taking care of the whole earth, the internet, facebook, blogs, etc are not a good thing.
For many years I had a recurring dream. When I was at home with my siblings I would dream the Russians were coming over the border to get us and I had to hide all my brothers and sisters. After I got married and had kids of my own I was hiding my own children. After I went to counseling the dreams stopped. There are whole books written to help people like me. People who feel responsible somehow for anyone with a problem who is even remotely related to them or just a friend or even an acquaintance. Most of the time I can deal with it. But there are times when I feel so overwhelmed. Now that I have all the above "helps" in communication I am so aware of the many world problems and deciding what is my problem is a serious difficulty.
Kathryn says "You are either guilty or you aren't." Obviously she doesn't have the caretaker syndrome. Guilt is my constant companion. Nathan and Karen told me they read that guilt has something to do with trying to feel morally superior. (They said it in a more together way that I can't remember.) I can't quite figure that out for myself, at least when I'm in one of those places where I'm overwhelmed.
Today, I'm fighting with it. I don't want to do anything today. I want to read a romance novel or Louis L'amour book. Something with no real value.
I knew a lady once in one of my counseling groups who admitted she sat to read her books like that by the window so if someone drove up she could hide the book.
It seemed ridiculous. But there are times when my own guilt is just as crazy.
Years ago I was feeling like this. I woke up in the morning and walked out into the dark of my living room. Looking out the picture window I saw the lights of the valley. I thought, "I'm just one of those lights. And someday I'll be gone and others will be the lights. So what good am I? What value am I to this life?"
I was not really expecting any response. But, in an almost audible voice I heard, "Your only value is in the love that I have for you." I knew in that instant that I was not loved because of all the things I was doing for others. I was loved because I was God's child.
It is so clear to me on days like this why God gave me that message so long ago.
I need that message over and over, all my life. Believing, in the depth of my being that I am loved for no earthly reason, but because I am God's child. It is the most peaceful place I can be.