Bad dream?

I am ashamed, scared, desperate. I am in Philadelphia. I know by the street cars and I recognize some places. Terry and I are separated and I am lost and I don't know how to get out of the area. No one cares about me. Everyone is desperate, hungry, and night is coming with it's cold. I find myself concentrating on how I will keep warm that night. How can I steal someone else's blanket after they've gone to sleep. No one cares. I'm in a soup line. We sit around on the ground eating our souplike beans. Someone speaks, "Mine has a head in it." I silently thank God mine doesn't. I truly feel thankful for this food. I wonder where Terry is. I know he will be looking for me but I feel hopeless that he will find me. I think about morality and I don't care if I am or not. I only care about survival. I think about an old boyfriend and I wonder if he's around that neighborhood. I ask myself if I would sacrifice my own integrity to take his help. Not one person seems to care if I live or die. I wake up and my stomach is still full from the chicken dinner Nancy fixed for pizza church last night. I think about people who are starving all over the world, people who live the reality of that dream every day. I spend a half hour wondering how I can change my life so they can not have to live out that dream. I am afraid of hell. Don't I deserve hell for being so comfortable when others are starving? My large house, land, beauty, too many clothes, blankets, 2frigs, 3 freezers, all full repulse me. I want to freeze that dream in my memory so I won't forget. I wonder if my grandchildren will ever have to endure that misery. I think of scriptures in the prophetic part of the bible that say God hates sacrifices of worship when the poor are desperate. I wonder again about my life, my choices.