christmas growing up

My first memories of Christmas were when I was very young- less than 6. We held Christmas at Grandma Sacry's house. I loved it! All I really remember about it was when Santa came - the sound of bells and then Santa. Santa was usually a neighbor or one of the hired hands. Chuck Eyster was Santa alot. He carried a big sack and handed out toys. I can't recall what was so great about Christmas at Grandmas but I do remember being really disappointed when Mom said we were having Christmas at our house the year after "Big Grandma" (Grandpa Sacry's Mom) died. I was about 6. I didn't know before that the reason we had it there was so Grandma could be part of it. She was in bed all the time so had to have Christmas brought to her. Mom was very insistant about having Christmas at our house. Now I understand those sentiments, but as a child I was sure it just wouldn't be the same. But it was! Nothing was really any different except it was in our own home. Christmas (and actually everything else) was centered around us kids. I still can feel how special I felt. I knew we were the center of our parents and grandparents universe. They thought we were the most special people in the world. Our home abounded in laughter over all the antics of the kids. I don't remember being scolded or fussed at much. It was a very happy time.
I particularly remember 2 Christmases. One was when we were still celebrating at Grandma Sacry's house. I got a doll with blond hair and Debbie Hemund got one with dark brown hair. We played together alot and we named then Snow White and Rose Red.
Another Christmas I remember well was when the concentrator in Butte was on strike. Dad was working there at the time and he explained to us that we wouldn't get any gifts that year because there was no money. He was really disturbed about it and I felt bad for him. I didn't expect any gifts and then when Christmas came we did get gifts. I don't remember what but I do remember the surprise. Dad told me since then that he borrowed the money so we could have Christmas. He really dislikes Christmas and I think it's because he never can get the things he likes for people and feels overwhelmed by it all.
Christmas growing up was pretty simple - we just had Santa come and then everyone started opening gifts. Sometimes there was wrapping paper about a foot deep all over the floor. I didn't know what others got. It was just like the moment was a burst of excitement and then it was over. Now I like to do it more quietly and pay attention to each person's gifts and reactions. I really don't even care what I get, but I like to watch others. But still... I have good memories of those early Christmas, so wild and exciting. Sometimes I wish I could go back and see those days through adult eyes. I wonder how Mom and Dad felt watching us. I wonder if they worried like I do about being sure I give equal gifts. I wonder if they realized I didn't really care about the gifts even then. I just wanted everyone to be happy. I hope they know how really happy I was being loved so much as a child.