Wanderings

God is kind. Stephen King says God is not kind but God is good. I know what he means but I disagree. Yesterday, I felt the nudgings to go to Mom's house. I kept telling myself there wasn't time. Two of my activities were canceled and I still didn't go. I remembered last night that I needed to take her tax stuff to Annette today. Any time I have to do something like that I get so lonesome for her. So, now it's 4:30am and I'm remembering... wandering through my mind, remembering. And wishing it wasn't so early and I could go to her house and just be there. Mom would say those nudgings were from God. So, now, when I have a busy day ahead I am up early and, because the remembering is so sweet I can't sleep.
When we lived in Deer Lodge I was sick alot - most of the time I was there I was sick. I had Mono, Rheumatic Fever and Hepatitis all in one year. I don't have bad memories of it really because Mom was such a loving nurse to me. She would tell me not to jump rope and I loved to do it, so being a 2nd grader I would anyway. I'd come home from school so tired and my legs would ache so bad. She would sit by my bed and rub my legs for me. It felt so good. I missed about 6 weeks of school and Mom would sometimes pretend that I was in the hospital. She would change my sheets like they do in the hospital by turning me on my side, take the sheets of that side off and slide them to my back, turn me the other way and then take the sheets off and put on new ones. I'm sure I could have gotten up but she just treated me with kindness, making that time fun.
Many years later after my brain surgery she took care of me a week after I left the hospital. She believed potatoes were healing so she made me lots of things with potatoes in them - potato soup especially tasted good. One day I had to go to the bathroom and couldn't walk without help. I would place my hands on her shoulders and follow her into the bathroom. I was having kind of a pity party that day. (And you know how she hated those!) I said, "I hate this." She said, "Well, you could throw a fit but then you'd have to get back up off the floor and walk to the bathroom anyway." That may not seem like a kind thing to say but it helped me and she knew it would. She had been there - at pity parties, that is.
I felt kind of smothered that week between Terry's love and Mom's. When I think of how I feel when my kids are hurting I can understand how she must have felt.
Mom was good in situations like that though. I loved to have her with me when we visited people who were in the hospital or when someone had died and we visited their family. She had a way of lifting their spirits through laughter and just being pleasant. I thought I should be somber, out of respect but she just smiled and let them know she cared.
Another thing i loved to do with Mom is visit a new church. We'd be in a strange town and she would want to go to church somewhere. We'd find a church and just go in. She would just visit with people and get to know them like she knew them all her life. Once we went to what we called a "holy roller" church. I'm not even sure where it was. We just picked a church off the street. It was very charismatic and people were laying in the isles, jumping around and stuff. We got lots of laugh out of that one. She just knew how to find joy in many situations.
I think I miss most just walking into her house, feeling a close, warm, long hug.
Praying together, or just doing nothing at all. Feeling welcome and treasured. I hope, when I die, God sends her to greet me with that long, warm, close hug. I bet God will. Because I know God is kind.