Honesty

Over 25 years ago, when we lived in Mississippi I was parked at the clinic where Terry worked. I jumped into the car and put it in reverse without my foot on the brake. I rolled into a car - terry's partner's car. It didn't hit very hard and I thought nothing was wrong. Later Darel told me that it had cost him - I think he said $300 to fix. When he said it I apologized but did not offer to pay the fee. He let it go. I didn't think more of it. But as I've gotten older I've realized how wrong it was.
A few years ago I was in Billings on a Women of Faith trip with a bunch of gals and I was getting out of the truck with the other women. The wind was blowing hard and it caught my door and my door hit the car next to mine. I was in a hurry to catch up with the other ladies. I rubbed the car I'd hit to see what damage was done very quickly. I noticed the nick and tiny dent but did nothing else and went on in.
When I returned to my truck there was a note on my car with a phone number to call. They had my license and wanted me to make amends. It was one of those sports cars and he said it was new and he wanted to repair the dent. I felt terrible then that I hadn't taken the time to right my wrong. I turned it in to our insurance and got it covered. I vowed to myself to be more careful.
Since that time I have opened the car door probably 3 times on other cars. Each time I cringe, be sure it's not dented but each time I have left a little mark = a nick. I've never left my number or acknowledged it in any way.
Recently, because of a friend who was honest about something like this, I was made aware of my own dishonesty in this area. I think of myself as an honest person and yet I continue to do this without being responsible for my actions.
I had a dream this morning that I don't want to go into but I woke up realizing that I have a problem in this area. In analyzing, I realize I need to take accountability somehow to change this kind of action. This is how I plan to do it.
1. On a practical level I want to wait 5 seconds before I open the car door. I want to walk to the car slowly and notice the tires, who is next to me - to just look around.
2. One reason I think I've done this is because I am so caught up in my own world that I don't take the time to notice the physical concerns of others. Since, in the past I didn't value cars and other "things" as much as emotional, spiritual things I did not even think it mattered. This comes from bad theology that separates out some things as spiritual, others as physical. In reality, all things are spiritual and important to God.
3. I want to live in the present. I am so often in my head instead of where I am at in reality. I miss alot of life.
4. I am embarassed to be accountable over and over to people whose cars I nick. And, of course, I don't want my insurance to go up. I will never nick a car again without writing a note to leave.
5. I am writing in my blog because I need others to hold me accountable. I've had years of this habit so I want to change and can't do it alone. If you are reading this, please be gentle, but if you are with me and I do something dishonest, tell me.