I would like to introduce you to our newest addition, Angel.  Angel is a girl golden retriever.  She is smart - already retrieves a ball and is learning to sit.  She is 7 weeks old and was from Jamie and Logan's litter of 11.  She misses her siblings and her mother but I love her today because she slept through the night for the first time last night.  And this morning she whined to go out to do #2.  She is a chewer, biter an most puppies are so we are in constant need of a chew toy.  Some are asking about poor Zip.  Zip is still around and not particularly happy about this new addition.  She does let Angel eat her food if she is finished.  But she does not like her chewing on her ears. Terry is now living in a house of 3 girls.  He is not complaining.  Thank God for the joy of little ones.

Why I love puppies

When have I experienced the Generosity of God?

Oh Lord, as I look around at the harvest of fall I see your generosity: apples, squash, tomatoes, more.  I stand outside at night and wonder about the galaxies and how you made things so beautiful and perfect.  When I see the Sandhill Cranes fly or do their mating dance I smile and am in awe of You.  I wonder how the birds know to fly south and the squirrels know to build nests.  I watch the sunsets and am amazed by Your creativity.  I pick my Sweet Peas and the smell reminds me that you created life in a way that would bring us joy.  Each spring I am delighted by the perennials that surprise me in spite of their consistent return. The shapes in the clouds; the winds and the storms - all a part of your gifts to us.  I could fill a book with all you give so freely.
And even as I am aware of the generosity in creation I undersrand why the Psalmist says, "What is woman that you are mindful of her."
I come to You empty and beg for Your Spirit.  You faithfully fill me.
I ignore you and go about my life as though your existence didn't matter and when I remember to turn back to You, You receive me and bless me.
When my wanderings take me far from feeling You and my life becomes complicated, I come to You and You help me simplify and center.
I say to you, "Lord, I don't feel love for You.  You have become a duty to me. I don't even know how to make Love happen."  That very day You show me how.  You have someone give me a book, just the right one. You slow me down so I have eyes to see and ears to hear Your Love.  Your generosity amazes me.  Your love is better than life, better than all I have come to want or think I need.
In the darkness of the prison I have made for myself, You give light.  When all seems to fall down around me, Your presence makes it all worthwhile. I love You - help me to love you more - no matter what it takes.

listen

I remember a scene in a movie. The woman was looking out her window at the street below. She had just lost a loved one. "Why are people moving so fast?" There is a time, following the death of someone you love, during the time of grief, that is a precious time. It is a time to listen. Not with your ears only but with your whole being. It is a time to walk slower, to be silent, to wait. It is not a time to hurry, to begin new things or hurry into old ones. It is a time when we are open.
It is a time when we hear cries of pain louder; when we are tender toward those who are marginalized, when we cannot bear to see someone hurt or left out. It is a time when we see things more accurately; when we have a heart like the heart of God.
It is a time to listen and be still. It is not a time to push past or stuff down. It is a time to listen to God and to all that God has created. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

brothers and sisters

Bitter sweet. Dennis Keith, Susan Jean, Carol Ann, James Dale, Rand Lee, Kenneth Floyd, Kerry Lon, Brian Todd, Diane Marie. I love my siblings. We are all not perfect. But each is such a gift to me. Nothing they could do would stop that love. We get together at funerals. I love them deeply and dearly. Each has their own lives now and I am amazed at what they find to give to our family with the burdens they each carry. They heal me. As we laugh, hug, cry, talk, I am blessed. Thanks, Mom and Dad. They are the best gift you ever gave me.

My siblings

 

Gone

I prayed that I could be with Dad when he died. This summer because of being in Virginia, having grandkids here, reunion, etc., I was not at Dad's as much as usual. My other siblings did so much then. It had, in fact, been 3 weeks since I'd stayed there overnight. The day before he died we came to see Dad. He was so miserable. I can't really explain his eyes but I could tell her was not doing well inside, I mean mentally, emotionally. He had told me a few days before that he had thought it would be his last night but he woke up so... I think he wanted to go but he hated to leave everyone. And he was very tired of life as it was. We had to go take a friend to the hospital that Sunday afternoon. When we came back Dad was very sick. He kept spitting up and sometimes vomiting. I offered to play pinochle with him to take his mind off of it all but when we tried he couldn't hold the cards. I told him to forget that idea and go rest in his chair. He did willingly. He was not walking well, very feeble. He wanted to sleep in his small bed in the living room. He never went back to the hospital bed that was near it. Marlene thinks he didn't want to die in it. He fell immediately asleep but woke up shortly coughing. Each time he fell asleep it was the same. I strongly suggested he sit up in his recliner. Terry came out and suggested Marlene give him some morphine under his tongue. It seemed to help. Dad went to sleep and so did everyone else. Sometimes Terry stayed up with him but T had a bad headache and I wanted to sit in the chair next to Dad. I sat up so I would hear him if he needed me. I fell asleep and slept for a few hours. Maybe around 2:30 his coughing/choking woke me up. It was loud and gurgley. As I turned to him he was very red in the face and seemed to be choking. I ran for Terry and then he said to go get Marlene. We couldn't do much. Dad got over that spell but we all knew something was wrong. He didn't seem coherrant. Yet when we talked about him he said a few things that let us know he knew what we were saying. His color was back to normal and then as we watched he changed. I don't know if you'd call it a coma but he seemed to be gone from us. At first Terry couldn't get a pulse. Then it came back. His face sagged. He began that breathing that Mom did when she died. We all just watched. Marlene stood behind him and patted and rubbed his head and cheeks. I knelt beside him and held his hand and stroked his hairy arm. Terry sat nearby. It was hard for him, knowing he should and could do nothing. I wanted to touch Dad's skin and be with him as long as possible. I consider it a privilege that I was there; that I could stay with him and support him until he was gone. And then he was...gone. I wondered if he was floating out of his body like some people say they do or if he was walking to the light or if he had Jesus' open arms around him. When Mom died I didn't care, I just wanted her back. With Dad, I was so tired of seeing him hurt. And I just wanted him to know, to know that the things he hoped about God were true. Loving, forgiving, welcoming. All my life I have prayed that Dad would let God take over his life. I prayed Dad would be able to receive that Love. I believe there were times when he knew it, like when Gil annointed him in the hospital at Billings or when certain people prayed or spoke words that hit the target of his heart. Early on during this last 6 months Diane called and suggested we pray before Dad went to sleep. If we forgot, he would say, "You haven't prayed with me." He often would cry and tell me how much those prayers meant to him. I believe Heaven is like that...a place where we can feel that peace and joy all the time. I believe Dad is knowing now what he longed for here. "For now we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face." I miss you, Dad. I'm so thankful you are there.