Perfect Susan

I have been trying this morning to think if there is anyone I admire more than I do my sister, Susan. I can't think of anyone at the moment. The thing I adore most about her is her ability to be herself. She seems not to be threatened by the fact that someone might not like her if she speaks her mind. Yet she is not rude. Is, in fact, very kind and loving. She is compassionate, yet not soggy. She does not help you have a pity party. She has Mom's ability to laugh in the midst of pain. And to help you laugh in the middle of your own.

I think this ability was born with her and cultivated through the difficulties of her life. Her first challenge was a Mother who was like her. To hear each of them talk, it is clear that they had a bit of an adverserial relationship from the beginning. Whereas Dennis was "perfect", Susan was always in Mom's face. When I think of Susan as a child I think of her complaining, bossing, controlling. I don't think she was a popular member of our family. We were not a fighting family. It was important not to say anything unless it was nice. I think Susan and Randy were the exceptions and maybe Kerry. Thank God for them.
Susan was so angry at Mom for getting pregnant "again" when Diane was on the way. She made no bones about it. "I can't believe it!" Those were her words to Mom the day Susan found Mom sorting through a box of maternity clothes.
One time Jim and I and whoever were playing "communion." Pretending to pass the plate, drink the juice. Susan came in and was so angry that we were being so irreverant.
If I was afraid I laid in the dark and kept it to myself. Susan ran around in the middle of the thunder storms unplugging lights, telling people to stop ironing, herding us all over to Grandma's house where we would be "safe."
If I was angry at someone I kept quiet, smoldering in the silent retreat of my bedroom. Susan spoke right up and was done with it.
I never envied her early on because I didn't see the gift that it was. We were supposed to be quiet and nice and never hurt anyone's feelings. I began loving her fiercely during our teen years. She was my hero. She saved me from the "evil" advances of teenage boys by telling me just what not to do. She helped me look just right every morning as I went to school. She taught me to be nice to people and treat everyone the same regardless of their status. And more.

As an adult, I envy her. I suppose it is the practice at speaking what she saw as the truth, coupled with the wisdom that comes with age that gives her now the wonderful ability to speak her mind, not fearing rejection or shame. And doing it with kindness. And I see that, at her work, with her friends, at church, in her family she is greatly loved for exactly that quality. It has given her family, friends and co-workers a trust in her that is beautiful. They know that she will be honest. They know that she is kind. They know that she will say what is best for the whole situation. They know that she cares deeply for them. She is an amazing teacher because she carries with her a sense of authority, yet a true desire to do what is best for each student as well as the whole. She is a good wife because she loves Paul deeply but she knows she has to take care of herself too. She is a wonderful Mother because her children know where she stands.
Most importantly for me, she is a "perfect" sister because she is not afraid of being "not perfect". She is the person I think of when I think of the scripture "What does the Lord require of you? To do justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." I have always had the blessing of having her go before me. I watched her enter each school setting first. She was the first to date; the first to go to college; the first to get married; the first to raise children; the first to go to work; the first to have children leave. The first to have grandchildren. I'm always watching and learning. Everytime I'm with her I come away inspired to be more like her. She is an amazing gift to me. Thank you, Susan, and thank you God.