love

I did not love Terry when we got married. I loved the way he was always clean and neat and the way he smelled each day when we met. I loved his passion for life and enthusiasm. I loved his openness. I loved his love for me.
But I did not love him. I didn't even know what love meant.
I married him based on three ideas. I wanted to marry someone who shared my faith. I would not marry anyone who drank. And I knew whoever I married would be my partner for life. No matter what. The rest was attraction.
But I did not know that there would be times I would wonder why I made that decision. I did not know there would be times I would believe he was selfish, mean, ignorant and the worst person in the world. I didn't know love was about working to understand why he acted that way so I could truely love him. About praying for him when I would rather hit him.
I did know (believe) that God was faithful to His promises. One promise was that God says He will not let us be tempted without giving us a way to be free from that temptation. So when I was tempted to give up, God brought me a book, a friend to listen to me and advise, a class to take. And I grew and changed.
I believedGod would always be a faithful partner in my marriage. And God has always been.
I have lived my life based on scripture. When things have been rough, I have read, prayed, worked to keep my relationship good with God. And God has always been faithful.
This morning and many mornings,I have laid in bed with tears in my eyes. Tears of gratitude that God gave me this good man to marry. I have offered up so many prayers of thanksgiving - daily - that this is the man I chose.
This man who has prayed with me for my children, cried with me when we have suffered loss, held me and listened to my worries,this man who chooses to learn how to be a better husband and then puts it into practice. I am so grateful for this man who will read with me good books. For a man who comes humbly to me, seeking my forgiveness, not because it's easy but because he believes God wants him to do it.
This man who almost every day tells me I am his best blessing. This man who has provided for me so I could be a stay at home Mom and so I could volunteer to serve God in ways that doesn't bring in money.
God knew what love was and that if I put my trust in Him, I would love this man and I would be more happy than I could imagine.
Terry heard me tell my mother yesterday that I loved having the Christmas tree up early because then when I have my prayer time in the morning I could read by the lights. This morning Terry got up early to go to his men's group. When I got up the tree lights were on, waiting for me. He knew I would love that and I did.
God is so faithful.