Fear

I hold the hand of my greatest enemy yet I won't let go. I am afraid to because her name is fear.
Some opposites of fear are love, faith, confidence, smile, great accomplishments.
I am greatly impacted by the life of Greg Mortensen who wrote Three Cups of Tea and Stones into Schools. He has done great things for the least and lost because he has refused to let fear stop him. Instead he loves children and goes into the most dangerous places on the earth to help. He is my new hero.
I was laying in bed thinking about fear
Fear is the enemy of a good marriage. It keeps us asking the questions that hurt a marriage like, "Will I loose myself?" "Will she take advantage of me?" "Will I have to do more work than him?"
When I was afraid I did my worst parenting. Instead of being confident, hopeful, happy. The "what if's" killed me.
Fear keeps a gun under the pillow instead of a prayer in the heart.
Fear keeps me from forgiving my brother or sister or husband or friend.
Fear builds walls of division between people naming them democrats, republicans, liberals, conservatives, baptists, catholics, mormons...men, women, gay, lesbian...
Fear of rejection stops me from being my best true self.
Fear of failure keeps me from trying something new or using my gifts to bless the world.
Fear of loss makes me less generous.
Freedom from fear...imagine a world without it! without the need for it!
In the 70's many old people died in Kansas City because it was extremely hot and they were afraid to open their windows to let air in at night.
Do we need it?
Anger is always a secondary emotion. The first is often fear.
"Love is Letting Go of Fear". "Perfect love casts out fear"
Maybe instead of focusing on not fearing I should focus on loving, believing, hoping, trusting, faith...
Or the applause of God.
I'm afraid it's 5 and I won't make it through this day unless I go back to bed.

Another great day!

ok, so I don't mean to be mushy or anything but today was just the best day! It's the day we use for Sabbath so we try, on wednesdays to, as Terry puts it, "Do sabbathy things." Like we don't usually do things we "should" do. We try to "cease" which is what Sabbath means. And we try to have "holy attention" toward God. On the weeks we stick with this it is such a blessing for us. Sundays are not very sabbathy for us because we mostly have responsibilities and, though I don't suppose it should be that way, we get stressed about them. It's been quite a journey for us. Definitely a learning thing. Anyway, back to today... We were in charge of Pizza church and we'd decided on a thanksgiving type dinner (pizza church is seldom pizza). So the day began with me working out while watching "Enjoying Everyday Life" with Joyce Meyer, followed by Creflo Dollar. both were good so that started my day right. Then after a breakfast of eggs and toast we cleaned up for the day. I started the rolls raising and the apple pies I'd frozen earlier in the week baking. We did our devotions and prayer and then had some intimacy time together. We had a good visit with Terra. Then Terry went to the doctor and had some questionable things taken off of his face and got groceries while I formed the rolls, peeled potatoes as I listened to "Stones into Schools". A great book by the guy our church is honoring at the peace colloquey. I made jello and Then we both took a nap. After our nap we started the ham and turkey baking and we loaded up the 4 wheeler and drove to the ranch. On the way we mailed our tax checks and dropped some of my lovely sweet peas off to a woman who had a 4 wheeler accident yesterday. At the ranch we rode up into the hills with Zip. It was so silent and it looked like no one had been in the hills for a long time. The grass is so tall and things are relatively green for a September afternoon. We gathered a few lovely rocks for my rock garden. When we got home our new neighbor was outside so we went up to meet him and his family. They seem so nice. 3 girls and their Mom is the new special ed teacher. Then we went into definitely not sabbathy mode, cut up the meats, boiled the potatoes and mashed them, made gravy (got mad because I forgot to make cheese grits), warmed up the beats, cooked beans with onions, loaded the car and went to church. Sometimes when you work really hard on pizza church only a small number show and you have huge leftovers. Tonight there were loads of people and appreciated our efforts and ate well. Jonathan Haacke hugged me and said how thankful her was to see me (he's in high school). His Mom snuck in and did all the dishes for us. A definite plus. People shared so well and 3 of my brothers came and we had our highs and lows and then sang "Happy Birthday" to Kerry. I realized sitting there how very much I love our congregation. One new couple told us they wanted to join our marriage support bible study that we'll start soon and also wanted a parenting class. he's fresh out of prison and wanting to do well. I'm so proud of them. No one seemed to want to leave and it was just a great evening. So now we're home. We cleaned up the dishes and Terry's playing solitaire and I read Travis's blog which is just always a treat. So...who could possibly have a better day? It just seemed like God was just right close to us all day.

5 big buzzards sitting on a fence

 
 
 

 
 

today

 
 

Today

Today I am thankful for...large white moon against a purple evening sky; the smell of sweet peas blooming in a bunch; 2 gladiolas finally blooming reminding me of Grandpa Sacry and my wedding day; lavendar that lived; several deer playing in the field; Zip looking silly as he watches a stray cat; a respectful, tender, caring husband; laughter; crisp, almost fall air; new mowed lawn; memories of a beautiful summer with Grandkids; Spencer's chuckle, Rachel's sweet tears and Michael's business-like manner all in the same day; cell phones; the Holy Spirit's assurance; devotions lead by T; Ken's helping Dad and Marlene; Carla's encouraging comments; Pray-as-you-go; Phillip Yancey; a finished quilt; a helpful, non-judgemental husband when Zip locked the keys in the car; that I remembered to exercise; a new well cover finished and painted; grandkids, grandkids (in the bible if it's said 3 times it means it's really important), both Terra and Logan calling today, siblings, nieces and nephews...why am I so blessed. Yes, Karen, I am rich..

Dinky

For as long as I can remember both my parents, on occasion, called me "Dinky." I really don't know why. When I asked them they said because I was so little. When I look at pictures of myself and my closest siblings I don't appear to be so little.
I also grew up feeling like I was pretty and very sweet. But when I look at pictures of me when I was small I see that I really wasn't that pretty and I especially was not pretty compared to Susan who was only 18 months older than me and strikingly beautiful. Or Dennis, for that matter, who was very pretty for a boy. I was, in fact, kind of ordinary. So I wonder... I grew up believing I was very special, very loved and lovely and that my parents were so grateful that I was alive. What a priceless gift!
I've recently had opportunity to be around all of my grandchildren. I am frankly amazed at how unique, special, charming, intelligent, loving, talented they each are. Each one is completely different from the others. I look at each one and my heart overflows. I cannot make my eyes see any other way. One of my favorite times in life is when I have one of them to just BE with.
I believe God is the same way with each of us. We are loved because we are God's creation, a part of God. God's eyes cannot (oh, dear! Can I say "cannot" about anything when referring to God?) see it any other way. I wonder if God has a special name for each of us. "Precious", "Treasure", "Delightful"
The name "Dinky" can not necessarily be taken as a good thing. But I took it that way. I suppose it was the way it was said. Or how they said it when they wanted me to know they felt warmth and a special attachment to me. I'd like to hear God's voice. I'd like to just really know. But, I suppose for now, I'll just have to believe.