Dry Snow

Spiritually dry.  Wanting so bad to feel the presence of God but not knowing how to get there.  As I drove along I90 I thought about other times when I had spent that same 2+ hour drive singing and praising the whole way.  I thought speaking the praise out loud might help so I tried. "You made this beautiful day!  Look at the clouds, the snow capped mountains..."  I spoke the words out loud in the car.  It was nice to realize those things but flat.  What was wrong with me that this dry spell was going on so long?  Where was God?  What was I supposed to be learning? What was I doing wrong?
Almost to Butte, I found myself in the middle of a snow storm. After a brief stop in town I tried to head over the mountain toward home.  The road was closed.  Semi's jack-knifed on the top.  I wanted to be home so I chose to drive the "old road."  The two-way was narrow and windy but it was often better because they kept it plowed and sanded for the people who lived along that  pass.  At first it was only wet but as I traveled on, the snow was sticking and it was slick.  I went slow.  A few other cars were behind.  The twists and turns over the mountain had potential for danger.  I don't know when I began singing - praise songs.  They came from deep within me, peaceful and strong. Came from somewhere I felt no ownership for.  They came as an answer to prayer, A spring of water for my dry soul.  I sang until the road was only wet again.  Then I drove on in silence, rested, peaceful and assured.

I knew she was nervous.  Her legs beneath her short "mother of the groom" dress were shaking even as she began singing.  She wanted to do so well.  "All of me loves all of you."  Her voice was so lovely, just right for this song.  Compassion welled within me as I thought of the emotions I had also felt as a mother at my son's wedding. Maybe a third of the way through the song she stopped.  Right in the middle of the wedding she stopped.  "Could we start this over?" she spoke back to the man who was working the background music.  She was embarrassed but firm. And so she began again and as she did her son, the groom, came over, leaving his bride, slipping his arm around her waist, holding her firmly.  She sang on now, strong and beautiful.  Realizing his bride was standing alone, Ty turned to her, held out his hand for Chloe too join them.  They stood together, the three of them, his arms around his mother and his new bride.  The song was long but I didn't want it to end.  This moment, so precious, so symbolic, so perfect in it's imperfection.  I supposed there were many wet eyes at the tender love of a son for his nervous Mom and the righteousness of that same son whose awareness of his abandoned bride brought the three of them standing as one before this captivated wedding crowd.
"It was the best part of the wedding," I told his mother later.  She smiled.
It wasn't until several months later that I heard "the rest of the story."  Sitting together at a wrestling match for our shared grandson she shared that she was singing the next day in a contest.    Reminded of the wedding incident I again expressed my love of that wedding moment.  "Well, actually, you'll have to know the rest of the story," she shared.  "That morning on the way to the wedding I was so nervous.  I don't ask God for little things.  I figure He's got enough big things to worry about.  But that day I asked God, 'Could you just put Your arm around my waist?'  I knew I needed some support.  It wasn't until I was running the next day that I realized what God had done for me. I hadn't put it together until then. God had done just that."

Alone

I am driving in the dark.  A winter landscape of white.  A mist of snow, not even enough to use my wipers. I am alone.  I turn off the Christian radio I've been listening to.  I am lonely.  Tired of the struggle that comes with Christmas when you are a person who hates to disappoint.  I've left God out - again.  I did try this year.  I got up early many mornings to pray.  I'm wanting to be a better listener to God.  That part was good.  But after a few days of family I'm finding I'm missing our Relationship.   So I am finally alone. I have nothing to say.  Words seem to be a burden and another interruption.
 I drive quietly.  I want You.  How can I obtain your peace.  Questions fill my mind.  The questions of life.  Of God.  Who are You?  How do You work?  I'm even tired of all that.  I think of the snow, it's wonder.  It's beauty. It's gift.  It's revelation of You.  How You must love me, us all.  You are there.  Nothing else matters.  Just You and I driving.  Questions don't matter.  Peace.  Thank You.

Philadelphia, PA Airport

Some moments are unwritable.  I was returning from a visit to Terra's family in Philadelphia.  I was in the airport, walking toward my gate, people, hundreds, were passing me.  That's when the "moment" happened but to call in a moment was not accurate because time itself suddenly stopped.
No one was moving.  My mind froze them all.  It was really a gift from a loving Creator.  I was able to see them, each of them.  I was able to KNOW that they were each loved,  deeply, unconditionally.  ALL OF THEM.  Do you know how many different looking and acting people there are in an airport?  I saw them and I loved them.   It sounds strange even to me.  In that moment without time I was allowed to know just a little bit I suppose of what God must see.  How God must love.  I wish I could live in that timeless moment.  Maybe I will in heaven.

Messy, Noisy, Full of Love

I've got to start writing again.  For the last 3 months we've been blessed to have Terra, Zach and their 6 children living in their home.  They came in early July thinking it might take a few weeks for them to find a place to practice his dentistry and a new home to live in.  It's now Oct 7th and they are still here.  Zach is finally working in Twin Falls where they will move.  He started Oct 1.  So for all that time they have been with us.  A home once quiet and as orderly as any house could be for me has become full, messy, noisy and filled with love.  It is, of course, another of God's miracles.  After a few weeks I asked Terry how he was doing. (full, messy and noisy are usually not his thing AT ALL).  His reply, "I love it," shocked me.  After a few weeks I would ask again, His answer, "It's an opportunity.  We've been away from them for so long."  So I began to settle in - we all did.  I know it's been hard on them not having their own home, friends, school, privacy.  It will be Nov 15 before they leave to permanently live in Twin Falls.  Many times in the past few months I have thought it's how it should be, people in extended families living together, older ones helping overworked parents, receiving hugs galore, listening, caring.  Oh how we will miss them when they leave!  I know Terra and Zach pray over our situation.  They pray we will all have the strength for it, the patience for it.  I pray the same.  This God we both serve in our own ways, our own religions, hears and answers. And I believe smiles and approves the love we all share together. Thank you sweet and precious Trinity.
God's will be done.  Holy Spirit touching and blessing.  In the Sweet name of Jesus. Amen

Everyday God- Bernadette Farwell

Returning

In returning and rest shall be your salvation. Isaiah

Returning. For 17 years I was away from the small Ranch that was home to my 8 siblings, my parents and myself. It is a beautiful little ranch nestled in a small valley. Driving along the country road when almost home you see the hills above the ranch where my oldest brother watched sheep some summers, where we hunt for deer and elk, where we hike or drive in our truck until we are high enough to look over the picturescue Jefferson valley. I could only return to that home once or twice a year. The 1300 mile drive ended as I came over a little rise and looked down onto home. It was a humble home, across a creek from my fraternal grandparents house. Our 3 bedroom, one bath, one level home was for 11 people but the anticipation that rose within me as I got closer was exciting and tremendous. I found rest in that home, a rest that came from knowing that they were as excited to see me as I was them. It was there that i would find hugs,kisses, laughter, my favorite foods, small children sitting on my lap, saying funny and clever words, visits with my Mother about life, prayers and faith. Returning. Terry used to say if he didn't get me home twice a year he couldn't live with me. In some sense, it was my salvation. It is hard to believe that repentance (the word other versions of the Bible use for returning) should be like that. A place where I will feel safe, joy, loved, welcomed, where I would laugh, listen and feel at peace. A place of rest and joy beyond description. A place that would save me.